"But Teacher, my vagina is going to explode!!"

I finally obtained baking soda and yesterday afternoon I made banana bread. My host mom had it, and she gave me a few tablespoons full. It didn't rise. It tastes... ok, but I don't think that I'll be baking banana bread here again. Kind of a shame, but I'm over it.

This past week was a hard one at school. My grade is out of control, and the other teachers acknowledge it. I had my first parent-teacher meeting, and I was SCARED. The parents didn't speak English, so I had to utilize my Spanish, which is FINE, but pressure situation? Eh. The kid, one of the class clowns of 9A named Andres, was in the meeting too. This made me a little uncomfortable, but I guess it's good, because he would know that I'm being honest with his parents and not making stuff up.

So, I tell his mom, "Andres NEVER speaks Spanish in my class, and he is always distracting the other students, and he NEVER works unless I'm standing over him saying 'Andres! WORK!'" His mom looked at me and said "He speaks very good English." Well. This is news to me, because he NEVER speaks it in English class! I explained that, and the mom says, "He's always speaking English at home." You know what? That's great. Tell your kid to speak English in my class, and he'll get better grades.

Another boy in another class, Alfredo in 9C - the class clown in THAT class - is the same as Andres, except more obnoxious. Every day last week, Alfredo asked me "Teacher, what does 'What the Hell' mean?" I don't know how to explain this phrase, so I default to my babysitting-5-year-olds technique and say "It's bad, don't say that." For a 5 year old, this generally works. For a 13 year old, it doesn't. He KEPT saying it, until I threatened that I'd give him a detention (which are called time-outs... Really? Maybe I AM dealing with 5 year olds). He stopped. Only to start the next day. Now, I just completely ignore him. This is more effective.

The kids are always asking me to go to the bathroom. My answer is ALWAYS no. Andres, the one whose parents I talked to, is relentless. He asks every other day. I've never let him go. Earlier this week, I almost DIED at what he said. The Spanish word for bladder is "vejiga" (beh-he-guh). Andres, thinking he was smart, thought he would do the I'll-bet-it-sounds-like-that-in-English translation. He YELLS "BUT TEACHER! MY VAGINA IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!" I didn't even TRY to hold back my laughter. I was laughing SO hard, and I said "Hey, Andres, you don't HAVE a vagina." Definitely a highlight of my week. What a dumb kid. Although, I will say that Americans can make mistakes like that too. For example, "embarrassed". To much surprise, "embarrassed" is NOT "embarasado". "Embarasado" actually means pregnant. A mistake that can be, in fact, quite embarrassing. Good thing I learned that one in the States.

The kids are still obsessed with the George love affair. At least they talk about it so much that my face doesn't get red anymore. So that's nice. Next week, the students have to give oral presentations, and they have their first unit test (which I have to MAKE). Oh, the kids are also obsessed with telling me jokes. Like. "How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? ... You open the door, and shove it in!!!" HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I tell them straight up that their jokes are dumb. I know I'm mean.

Until next time,
Teacher.